R&R&Twin Peaks

I have this week off of school.
That's right, the whole week.
What have I been doing with my time?
Baking.
Sleeping.
Twin Peaks peeking.
Kyle MacLachlan dreaming.
Cemetery wandering.
Photo snapping.
Youtube updating.
Bird/cat/squirrel watching.

Usually I find that when I am given extra time, I think too much. I get nostalgic. I start to miss people. I start to get upset about things that I thought I had forgotten.
I start feeling like a big zero.
But that hasn't happened this week. I've given myself time to just exist.

Veganism and Insomnia

I'm currently coming to terms with my cliched existence.
Student debt has nearly turned me into a vegetarian.
School has robbed me of sleep.
Saturday night wine has turned into a Sunday robbing hangover.
Like every Sunday night, I will procrastinate until tomorrow.
I will ignore my conscious, and do it all over again.
I waste the time I am given.
I have no time or money to cut my hair.
I have no time or money to care.

Finally

It's like something clicked with me this week.
I'm finally realizing how I can utilize all of the skills I'm learning.
The things I wanted to do, I can do, and more!
I feel so inspired. So driven.
I don't know where I'm going, but I'm getting close.
The scary mist of uncertainty is dissipating.
I WANNA GO GO GO!
I want to blast my imagination on a piece of paper and see it through.
Because I can now.
I can imagine something through.
I can make it happen.
My vision is so intensified.
I'm so happy to be where I am. Who I am. What I am.
Good things come to those who kick and scream and cry.
And wait.
I waited.
Good things have come.

I'm Here

In Montreal for my fourth day. First Quebecois hangover courtesy of my first Quebecois party where I drank my first Quebecois beer and "vodka and a pickle."

How to Say Goodbye

A friend of mine moved today. He visited me at work to get one last coffee before he left. He hugged me tight and told me that out of all of his friends, he's known me the least longest, but he'll miss me the most.
I cried. No, weeped. One last hug and he was gone, leaving me in a puddle of melted mascara and discarded espresso grounds. It's not that I'll never see him again. It just won't be soon, or often.
I hadn't realized until that moment just how quickly we're all moving.
I'm leaving in 13 days. Time has been slipping past and it still hasn't felt like anything's changing.
Very soon I'll be hundreds of miles from everyone I know. I wish I wasn't such an ugly crier.

Uncommon Sense

I've been having a lot of people come to me with their problems recently. I like being the shoulder that gets cried on and I'm glad that my friends trust my opinion, but lately it seems like everyone's problems are less problematic and more idiotic. Maybe I'm just extremely self-aware and in control of my actions, but there's a few things I've been having to tell people that, to me, just seems like common sense.
1. If you don't want people to use you, don't let them. Say no.
2. If you don't want to be taken advantage of, don't get naked around drunk men.
3.If you want men to respect you, don't sleep with them before you know their name.
4. If you don't want your friends to hate you, don't sleep with their boyfriends.
One thing I need to learn: Be a friend, not a therapist.

Like a rock.

I've been learning about being strong. By strong I mean independent, self sufficient, and confident that you can fulfill your own life until someone who is perfect for you comes along. By learning, I mean having moments of frustration and hysteria where you cry in Tim Hortons or at work (twice) because you know what you are worth and what you deserve and you know you're going to have to hold out for a while until you get it. Meanwhile, people around you are rubbing your face in the fact that they have it (or think they do) and you're just going to have to listen to that and not let it bother you because when you get it, it's going to be eight thousand times more magical than it is for everyone who has it now, but for the time being, you've just got to stay strong.
Learning is messy business. Mascara doesn't like learning.